Girlfriend
by Ebony Rayne
Summary: What if someone started a rumor that Harry Potter was going out with Luna Lovegood after seeing them hug in an abandoned classroom? What if four very different girls decided they were going to score the boywholived and steal him from the odd Ravenclaw?


**Summary: What if someone started a rumor that Harry Potter was going out with Luna Lovegood after seeing them hug in an abandoned classroom? What if four very different girls decided they were going to score the boy-who-lived and steal him from the odd Ravenclaw? What if someone decided they didn't like it? What if things didn't turn out how the girls wanted? SONG FIC! Inspiration at the end.**

**Warning! SLASH!! AND...HBP? blinks innocently What HBP?**

**Disclaimer: me no own harry potter and me no own girlfriend, that is for jk rowling and avril lavign and the other dude that wrote that song that no one cares about**

**thoughts**

_"song lyrics"_

**P.S. there's one OC, but she's not a Mary-sue or anything, I just needed a punk.**

**

* * *

**Harry hugged his weird blond friend, the only one that could make him laugh about something, even if it was extremely stupid or made no sense, since Sirius died.

Today she showed him a book that said Slytherin and Gryffindor put a spell on the castle that would cause any major love conflict to be sung and danced to. Why? Because they were bored and thought it would be amusing. "Thanks for cheering me up, Luna. You're a good friend," he muttered into the top of her head as she hugged him back.

She just smiled and pulled back, both of them holding onto each other's elbows. Then she leaned up and gave him a friendly kiss on the cheek. Neither of them saw Lavendar Brown look into the abandoned classroom, gasp, and run off gleefully, intent on spreading a story.

* * *

Harry walked into the Great Hall, ignoring the looks he was getting, he was used to it. These looks were odder than he normally got, but he didn't think on it. Chances were the Daily Prophet just put something stupid about him in the newspaper again. What was he today? A man-whore? A heartbreaker? A pathological liar? Oh, wait, that was last week, Harry thought sarcastically. He was halfway to his table, which was annoyingly placed farthest from the doors, when all of a sudden Hermione walked up to him.

She'd changed a lot over the summer, and not in a good way. Apparently, she wore a clear retainer during the school year, but her parents decided she was going to wear braces that year. Also, she apparently had contacts which her parents were tired of replacing, so she went to school with big frames and thick lenses. They looked horrible with the bushy hair she'd pulled into pigtails. Put them all together and you got the steriotypical geek.

"_Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend_," she sang, sounding surprisingly good. He'd never heard her sing before. "_No way! No way! I think you need a new one. Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend_."

Then another girl began walking up to Harry. She was a Slytherin from a well known light sided family. Her name was Missy and she had dyed pink roots in her dirty blond hair, and thick black headband with small white skulls decorating it, black and red converse shoes, hot pink tights, black capris, a black and white striped prison shirt with fading black lines and black skulls in the white. She was carrying the magic equivalent of a muggle skateboard, called a Glider, under her arm. "_Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me. No way! No way! No it's not a secret. Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your girlfriend_." Damn founders, Harry thought angrily as he realized what was going on.

"_You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious,_" Missy continued.

"_I think about you all the time, you're so addictive,_" Hermione belted out.

"_Don't you know what I could do to make you feel all right?_" Missy sang, she and Hermione coming closer with each line.

"_Don't pretend, I think you know I'm damn precious._" Since when did Miss Prude use _that _language?

"_And hell yeah, I'm the motherfucking princess._" Missy was just three feet away.

"_I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right._" Hermione had finally reached him and began hanging off his arm, her chin on his shoulder and one hand holding his face so he'd look at her.

"_She's like so whatever, you can do so much better._" Missy'd reached him too. She latched onto his other arm and force his face in her direction.

"_I think we should get together now, and that's what everyone's talking 'bout!_" Then they let go of his arms and, standing on each side of him, began dancing like professionals, doing the same dance as the other and singing the same thing.

"_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I don't like you're girlfriend!_

_No way! No way!_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I could be your girlfriend!_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I know that you like me_

_No way! No way!_

_No it's not a secret_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I want to be your girlfriend_"

And then it got worse.

Ginny, wearing tennis shoes, a white tank-top, a white sports bra and pale blue dolphin shorts, her red hair pulled back into a pony tail and a Quaffle under one arm, walked up to him and began singing.

"_I can see the way, I see the way you look at me,_" she sang in a rough voice, probably from yelling during Quidditch or at her brother. "_And even when you look away I know you think of me. I know you talk about me all the time again and again._"

"_And again, and again, and again,_" Hermione and Missy echoed as Ginny made her way over. Then Cho, in her designer clothes and shoes, manicure flashing and salon hairdoo flipping, decided to join in.

"_So come over here, tell me what I want to hear. Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear. I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again,_" Cho musically ordered. She had a horrible singing voice. It was high pitched and off key. But Harry noticed something. When she said '_make your girlfriend disappear_' she flipped her hand at Luna. Who the hell started a rumor they were dating? He promised himself silently that he would order some Weasley Wizarding Weezes to get back at him/her.

"_Cuz,_" Ginny cut in, "_she's like so whatever._" Ginny hung off the shoulder Hermione was on just seconds ago and rolled her eyes.

"_You can do so much better._" Cho flipped her hair and gestured to herself, obviously implying she was '_so much better_' and grabbed Harry's other arm.

"_I think we should get together now,_" Ginny admitted.

"_And that's what everyone's talkin' 'bout!_" Cho screeched, nails on a blackboard voice making the inhabitants of the Great Hall cover their ears. Then all four girls got into formation, two on each side of him, and began the dance Missy and Hermione had performed before.

"_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I don't like you're girlfriend!_

_No way! No way!_

_I think you need a new one_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I could be your girlfriend!_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I know that you like me_

_No way! No way!_

_No it's not a secret_

_Hey! Hey! You! You!_

_I want to be your girlfriend._"

They began to chant, still dancing like on a music video, formation never breaking and claps and stomps thrown in at appropriate moments;

"_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger_

_'Cuz I can, 'cuz I can do it better_

_There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?_

_She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?_

_In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger_

_'Cuz I can, 'cuz I can do it better_

_There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in?_

_She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?_"

At that moment, Cho and Missy, who were unfortunately on opposite sides of him, decided they weren't going to put up with someone flirting with him anymore.

"_Hey! Hey! You! You! I don't like your girlfriend!_" Cho's banshee voice rang out as she forcefully grabbed one of Harrys arms and pulled him toward her.

Missy, it seemed, had the same idea. "_No way! No Way! I think you need a new one!_"

Cho pulled back, "_Hey! Hey! You! You! I could be your girlfriend!_" And that's when peaceful time ended.

Missy grabbed her Glider and began to go after Cho with it. Ginny tripped her with her Quaffle and the Glider slipped under a table, so Missy jumped on Cho's back. They were still singing the chorus, but Harry could no longer tell who was saying what. The shouted and cheers of the Great Hall made it hard for Harry to even hear the words.

Hermione took one of her thick tomes and began to beat Missy and Cho with it. Harry never knew she was so violent. Ginny picked up her Quaffle and stole Missy's glider and began to use it to fly around the cat-fight, throwing the ball and catching it agin, then repeating the process as she pleased. Hermione made a grab at Harry, but was pulled away by Cho, who didn't appreciate the book in the face.

Ginny tried to swoop down and get Harry on the stolen Glider, but Missy was apparently very possesive of her magic skateboard and ended up grabbing Ginny's foot and forcing her off the punk's toy. Any time someone tried to get to Harry they were pulled away again and Harry was close to making a break for it. However, as he was sneaking away, the squabbling girls remembered their reason for fighting and ran after Harry, blocking him before he could get past the Ravenclaw table.

They began to pull at him and scream out the chorus, which Harry was amazed they kept going. He expected them to stop singing or the song to have ended by now. Finally, someone tried to come to his rescue, and not the person he was expecting.

Draco Malfoy ran straight into the fight and began to pull girls away from Harry, who at that point didn't care who was helping him, shouting things like, "If you really loved Potter you wouldn't be trying to tear him apart right now!" and "Where's your self-control! You're going to kill him!" Draco made only a small difference. Three of the girls fought while one would try to get him to run off with her, then the free one would get dragged in and another girls would break free and try the same thing. It was as if they were switching out. But every time one of the girls tried to pull him away, he'd try to get away, always trying to get to Draco, who he'd never noticed was so handsome before. The girls didn't notice him trying to get to the male who'd tried to save him.

As Harry felt the song begin to wind down and the spell begin to break, he was finally able to break away from his current captor, Hermione, and get to Draco. A mutual understanding passed over their faces as they communicated with their eyes. Harry wrapped his arms around Draco's upper ribs and under his knees and Draco slung his arms around the brunette's neck. Harry Picked his new boyfriend up bridal style and carried him out of the Hall, leaving nothing but a twinkling Headmaster, a laughing blond Ravenclaw, four _very_ confused girls, and the echo of;

"_Hey! Hey!_"

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**OK, this story was inspired by my school's show of Joe's Cafe. Joe's Cafe is basically where the theater department chooses songs, makes up dances, and lip syncs to them in front of the school. This year one group from Joe's did Girlfriend by Avril Lavign, and another group did The Gay Pirate, (not entirely sure that's the title), which is a spoken song about a blackhearted pirate with a gay son and he keeps trying to get his son to do all these piratey things like stealing and looking for treasure and all that and the son keeps saying he won't do it and he just wants to sing and dance.**

**Well, the group that did Girlfriend had 4 girls fighting over one guy, a prep, a nerd, a punk, and a sporty girl, and they would keep dragging him away to get his attention and in the end they would start fighting and the punk would chase the prep around with her skateboard and jump on her back and the nerd would hit them both with a notebook, then the sporty girl would just drag him away and they'd walk off the stage. Well, in one showing I saw, the gay pirate jumped up on stage during the fighting and the boyfriend carried him off bridal style. I loved it.**

**And that, my friends, is my Joe's. Wasn't it funny? Now remember, reviews make the author feel all warm and fuzzy inside, while flames kill the author a little. Also, for fans of my other stories, reviewing this and mentioning my other fics might make me update faster. -hint hint- **

**First ever one-shot! Please be gentle!**


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